Tony and I have a lot of rough days now and todayās been rougher than most. Iām grateful for a great boss, good friends and supportive family. Iām also grateful for my art, which helps me relax and gives me a place to pour out my feelings.
Tag: health
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Tony; it’s been a big week #BlogJune 7
I’ve been saying for a while on FB that Tony isn’t very well, but haven’t gone into a lot of detail. I’m more open on Twitter because family don’t see it (with one exception – sorry Ro!). It’s where a lot of my support network is. Now it’s time to put a bit more on my blog.
Tony’s got multiple complex health needs – diabetes, kidneys, congestive heart failure & AF, peripheral vascular disease, lung issues and there’s serious problems with his gut. We’re not investigating any of it because he doesn’t want much intervention and isn’t well enough for surgery etc. He lives on Fortisip, yoghurt, and ‘baby veges’ i.e. mashed potato, pumpkin, carrot etc and very occasionally a tiny bit of pork sausage from Normanby Butchers cooked by Tairoa Lodge. Oddly, it’s about the only meat he can eat.
He had a fall last Sunday and again early this morning. No broken bones, but a decent bruise and painful lump on the back of his neck. Hospice think he’s having TIA (transient ischemic attacks) which are like mini strokes caused by a clot blocking blood supply in the brain.
They seem to come in swarms, leave him very sleepy, with slurred speech for a bit and a few other physical signs such as his hands dropping constantly. He also talks rubbish for a bit – we’ve both had a few laughs out of it. I can kind of spot when they’re going to start now, which isn’t as useful as it sounds! After they stop, he sleeps deeply, often for only a few seconds or minutes at a time, but falls asleep over and over for hours.
I am booked to go for a break at the end of this week. His brother Roger and a caregiver/friend, Janet, were going to look after him at home between them. After this morning’s fall we’ve agreed that’s not safe so he is going into Te Mahana for respite care, and to try it out. It’s a big step but feels inevitable.
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Taboo! #BlogJune 5
We sing along to songs on the radio about drugs and sex, watch all kinds of things on tv. Yet there are still things society tends not to talk about and poo is one of them, so is death and dying.
Once you start dealing with both chronic and acute illness, serious pain relief, and the slow process of dying you realise thereās nothing sacred any more. Ever asked your significant other if itās taking them ages to pee? Checked if they badly constipated again? Or cleaned up a poo puddle because the meds went too far the other way?
At the start of a relationship itās all sweet words and date nights. Lovely! Then something happens and youāre dealing with medical issues. Over the years both Tony and Iāve had serious health stuff happen, and weāve both done the nursing.
Now itās my time to nurse him, and some days itās hard. Really hard. But, after nearly 30 years, we can talk about poo, pain, death and dying. Fun? No, yet itās also ok. The conversations matter, and sometimes there are tears, but Iād rather we talked than I had to guess. I just wish more people talked about the hard stuff.
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Keeping it brief
Brief because, unusually for me, I haven’t got a lot to say (sort of).
Sandra – my best friend of 53 years – spent Friday & Saturday nights with us. Bruno, her wee rescue dog, glued himself to Tony. She got out & about, taking incredible photos for her travel blog. The ones she took of the wreck at Patea beach are incredible, it’s the most exposed we ever remember seeing it.
This afternoon I went to a work friend’s baby shower, which was way more fun that I had imagined. Tony’s brother Roger came round for dinner and got here about 15 minutes before me – and 20 minutes after Tony had a decent fall. He was heading to the kitchen on his walker and got super dizzy, tried to grab the doorway and missed. The walker went forward and he went backward, fortunately landing on his bum rather than hitting his head on the wall. He’s ok but stiffening up and I suspect there’s going to be a great bruise.
He had a very rough day, again, with his tummy on Thursday and that evening we had a brief chat about the fact one day he will need rest home level care. Tonight he and I have talked about how he’s getting dizzy more and more often, and that I worry about his safety when I’m not here. He has a medic alarm but his memory is not always great and this afternoon he didn’t think to use it. We’re talking about the merits of Te Mahana, where he might know people, versus Hawera where I could pop in during my lunch break and after work – or be there in 5 minutes if they needed me.
The time isn’t yet, but it’s approaching – maybe quite fast. Like almost everything, we’re talking about it, planning ahead and having the difficult conversations.
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Left foot, right foot
The only way forward is one foot in front of the other ā left foot, right foot, hayfoot, strawfoot. Thatās Tony and I at the moment, just putting one foot in front of the other.
Iām healing okay but have to be careful; if I do too much or eat the wrong thing, it hurts under my ribs, which ā in a medical sense ā is a million miles away from the actual injury. No wonder I got so sick without us figuring out the problem!
In the last week or so, with Hospiceās advice/support, weāve made a change in how we view feeding Tony. Until now, my default has been to make him a āproperā meal unless he doesnāt want it ā which he normally doesnāt ā in which case heād have something like yoghurt or baked custard and stewed apples. Now my default is custard etc unless he wants a proper meal, and he doesnāt. They also suggested ābaby vegesā so weāre trying him on mashed potato, pumpkin, carrot & parsnip. So far, so good and it doesnāt seem to give him unpleasant hiccups like other food had started to do.
Nutritionally itās not ideal of course, but he has two chocolate Fortisip a day which is sufficient calories etc to be going on with, given he doesnāt do much now. Most days he does a little on his latest project (heās finished a model truck and is onto a paint by numbers Yoda) and dozes while listening to music. Heās often in bed by 8.30 or so because heās tired out.
He’s dizzy a lot of the time now, so Mum’s walker is back in use and Goldie is delighted. She sits on it and seems to feel quite at home – bless her ancient creaky wee soul!
Weāre grateful for his carers who come in twice a day, Hospice staff who ease the load, family and friends who check on him, and my work who are always supportive.
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Cath Sheard Art 