Yesterday we held a small, private service for Tony, attended by family, close friends, some of his ex-colleagues and my work family. It was recorded so people who couldn’t attend are able to watch online.
His daughter Yasmine, son Ben, brother Roger and I were comforted by the memories shared, and love in the room.
Music was important to Tony – when he was struggling with pain I’d put his headphones on and he’d fall asleep to the music. In the final days when nothing seemed to get him comfortable, and he was too generally sore to wear headphones, I put the radio on and he settled a bit.
Tony had chosen two songs – Beautiful trauma by Pink and The Ghosts that haunt me by The Crash Test Dummies. I added a third, Guide me home, sung by Freddie Mercury and Monserrat Caballe from the Barcelona album which he loved.
I want to finish this with some of the lyrics from two of those songs, but before I do there’s one last thought I want to share. While we were planning the service Kelly, from Hardings Funerals, said to people don’t understand until it happens that, in the moment the coffin closes or they leave the service, their loved one becomes an ancestor.
And so it is with me. After 33 years, in an instant, Tony became my late husband and, to use Kelly’s words, that’s a pivotal moment. Rest in peace Tony – in the words of the poem I read, you continue to be my star, my dear.
From ‘The ghosts that haunt me’
There will come a time I fear when all my days are done
And they will come collect my corpse and bury me
And then I hope you’ll come over to the Other Side
To join me in our new life, keep me company
From ‘Guide me home’
Now the wind has lost my sail
Now the scent has left my trail
Who will find me, take care and side with me
Guide me back safely to my home
Where I belong, once more
Where is my star in heaven’s bough
Where is my strength, I need it now
Who can save me, lead me to my destiny
Guide me back safely to my home
Where I belong, once more
Who will find me, take care and side with me
Guide me back safely to my home
Where I belong, once more
How can I go on?
How can I go on this way
Cath Sheard Art 