Cath Sheard Art

Tag: self

  • A little creativity

    Tony & I nursed Mum for 14 years. After she died I didn’t create any finished art pieces for about 18 months. I expected the same to happen when Tony died. I’ve been prepared to spend my time creating in my art journals, relying on Dina Wakley and Dyan Reaveley for inspiration.

    Tony passed away three weeks ago tomorrow night. Last night I decided to put together a large concertina journal using Hahnemühle Bamboo Mixed Media paper. I figured it’d probably sit around for ages, unused, but making something was a positive step.

    Alan went to work early this morning, and I had some time at my desk before Sandra and I went out, then a few hours on my own once we got home. I, not sure where this is going, but there’s art happening and I’m amazed.

    I was talking to my good friend, and fellow artist, Pen Kirk about why it’s different this time. I feel I’ve had better self care throughout because I’ve “been there, done that”l also, I’m older, so have more life experience.

    Talking to my sister later, she remarked “Alan’s pretty helpful. Wasn’t Tony getting unwell by the time Mum died?” and both of those things are true. I’ve been fortunate to have Alan’s support the last few years, whereas in the final years with Mum Tony was already struggling.

    It’s great that I want to create already, but I won’t be putting any pressure on myself to create finished work. Whatever I do is ok…

  • Practice makes progress

    People say practice makes perfect, but wonderful Australian artist Niamh Baly always says practice makes progress. And she’s right!

    I joined the gym about 6 weeks. My hope was to improve my balance and strength – having two total knee replacements and various medical dramas over the years has impacted on both.

    When I started I could manage 10 minutes on the CrossFit at Level 1 and use 3kg weights for leg and arm exercises. Today I did 17 minutes on the CrossFit at Level 2, 10 minutes on the Exercycle, 4 sets of 10 on the Leg Press and 3 sets of 10 leg exercises with 6 kg weights. I couldn’t find the 5kg ones and the 6kg were just too heavy for my arm exercises.

    By most people’s standards that’s not a lot, but it is good progress for me. I’ve got some goals in mind – one of them being just better general capacity. I’m so grateful for the difference my surgeries have made to my life.

  • It’s my turn

    Tony and I moved in with Mum in 1998 when she got very sick. We were live-in carers for 14 years, until she moved to the rest home 6 months before she died. It was incredibly hard work some of the time, but a huge privilege few daughters get these days.

    During that time I also personal care PoA for my aunt, who had dementia and needed a rest home apartment then secure unit, and finally hospital level care. Again, a lot of work. But Aunt J and I were close, and I was glad to look after her.

    Within a year of Mum dying Tony had to retire due to ill health. By the time he retired he’d already had two or three surgeries. For the last year or two he’s been less and less able; the last 6 or 8 months have been pretty awful.

    I’ve worked through all those years, and done my art. But suddenly I have, maybe not more time, but different time. My days are structured differently because I’m not juggling work, art and caregiving. Now it’s work, art and visiting Tony. By 7.30 at the latest I’ve seen Tony, had dinner, and the evening is mine.

    At the moment I’m going to bed early quite often. It’s cold, but I’m also resting and recuperating – my own emergency surgery is less than 3 months ago.

    I’ve spent most of the last 23 years listening for movement in the night, ready to get up and help Mum, then Tony. Since late last year I’ve been used to sleeping in 2 or 3 hour stretches, often only 6 hours a night. I’m learning to sleep through the night, although at the moment I’m often awake at 5 because I’m not used to so much uninterrupted sleep.

    My work and art are important to me, but they’re not ME. It’s time for me to concentrate a bit more on me – on looking after myself, and on figuring out what the coming years look like. I didn’t expect to be living alone at 56, with a husband in the rest home, but it is what it is. I’m determined to make the most of it, whatever that light look like. T

    he photos below are all of me, but none of them are me … that’s still a work I’m progress…

  • Unwinding with art time

    Last week I was in Napier at the Director’s of Small Museum’s one day meeting, then three days at the MA14Napier museum conference. Great stuff; lots of new contacts, lots of learning, lots to think about. So this morning I caught up on a few tasks and this afternoon decided I needed to unwind a bit. Out with some art journals, StencilGirl stencils, inks etc. Four hours later, I am feeling restored. And yes, I was having a purple day – thank you for asking!

    abundance journal page i used to believe journal page play journal page

  • Grateful

    This is the last page, done this morning, in the journal I started when Tony went to Waikato Hospital on the 19th of January. Life is not normal in the sense of being the same as it was – seemingly simple things like a hot shower still exhaust Tony – but life is slowly settling into a new normal. We’re very fortunate and very grateful.

    grateful