In my last blog post I said I was pleasantly surprised by the desire to create so soon after Tony’s death. I’m still creating, taking it gently but feeling good about it.
People ask how I am … I’m ok. Am I great? No, but it’d be a bit weird if I was. I describe it as appropriately sad. The sadness comes and goes – after 33 years together, and all the years of slowly losing Tony, that feels ok.
So I’m being kind to myself and creating with low expectations, doing what I feel like in the moment. I’m feeling inspired by Welsh castles, a theme I return to semi-regularly, often accompanied by masts, swords and what’s probably blood. It is what it is…
In these current works, which are about A3 size, it feels important to work in overlapping layers. Why? I don’t know yet, but I’m happy to trust the process.
Tony & I nursed Mum for 14 years. After she died I didn’t create any finished art pieces for about 18 months. I expected the same to happen when Tony died. I’ve been prepared to spend my time creating in my art journals, relying on Dina Wakley and Dyan Reaveley for inspiration.
Tony passed away three weeks ago tomorrow night. Last night I decided to put together a large concertina journal using Hahnemühle Bamboo Mixed Media paper. I figured it’d probably sit around for ages, unused, but making something was a positive step.
Alan went to work early this morning, and I had some time at my desk before Sandra and I went out, then a few hours on my own once we got home. I, not sure where this is going, but there’s art happening and I’m amazed.
I was talking to my good friend, and fellow artist, Pen Kirk about why it’s different this time. I feel I’ve had better self care throughout because I’ve “been there, done that”l also, I’m older, so have more life experience.
Talking to my sister later, she remarked “Alan’s pretty helpful. Wasn’t Tony getting unwell by the time Mum died?” and both of those things are true. I’ve been fortunate to have Alan’s support the last few years, whereas in the final years with Mum Tony was already struggling.
It’s great that I want to create already, but I won’t be putting any pressure on myself to create finished work. Whatever I do is ok…
My journals are a safe place to play, experiment, and say whatever’s on my mind and in my heart. I share most of the pages I create, but there are a few that stay unseen in my journals. Alan’s away at the moment, so yesterday Sandra, Bruno and I went to New Plymouth playing Munzees after I’d taken Tony out for morning tea – he doesn’t want to go out for lunch at the moment for some reason. We had a fun day, and both earned a badge we didn’t expect to – it was fun!
I’m heading to Hokitika on Thursday for about 10 days, so today I’ve semi-packed my bag. Next Sunday Pen and I will be working on some collab pieces at Left Bank Art Gallery, which I’m excited about. I’ve have spent most of the day at my art desk. I’ve got some lovely new Dina Wakley MEdia printed transparencies and stencils, so had to test them out 😉
I try to do something art-related or crafty every day … I call it moving my hands and downloading my head. New Year’s Day is no exception.
We slept in, then I went through to Hawera and picked Tony up. He sat in the car while I did a couple of quick errands, then we had McDonalds at the park. He was tired as he’d stayed up to watch a movie last night, so I took him back to the rest home sooner than usual.
I’ve spent the afternoon at my art desk, emerging occasionally to talk with Sandra or check on the ASB Tennis with Alan. I’m working in a Dina Wakley 6×6” kraft journal. When I finish this one I think I’ll swap back to Dylusions for a bit – I feel like changing it up a bit.
I’ve just has 12 days away, staying with Alan in Hokitika. I wanted a break, Penny & I needed to get some work done on our joint exhibition, and it made sense to go while Tony’s resthome is in lockdown. I spoke with Tony a couple of times every day, and he seemed to cope ok. Because the pandemic is still having a big impact, I took short leave and worked 2 to 3 hours a day, and I’m pleased I did – the technology worked fine and it was good to stay on top of decision making.
I fancied some art supply and clothes shopping, so we stayed in Christchurch instead of heading straight back to Hokitika. It was the first time I’d shopped at The Drawing Room – lovely shop with some different supplies and great service. Clothes shopping – say no more! We also went to Orana Wildlife Park and had a good look around. The Gorilla is incredible, you can sense the contained power & strong personality. I walked 9,000 steps, which is the most I’ve done since my second total knee replacement and was ok for it
Penny and I spent an afternoon working out which pieces of art felt finished, deciding what pieces belonged together and what walls they’d go on in Left Bank Art Gallery. It’s a lot of decision making, and we got through it well. By the time we’d finished, we were both feeling positive about the exhibition. We’ve decided to have an artist talk on the final day, and I’m going back down for that.
Alan took me up the Taramakau River in his jetboat to do some Salmon fishing. We got 3 Trout strikes but didn’t see any salmon. From talking to various people, it seems there have been almost no salmon this season in the whole region which is a bit concerning. I love going up the river because it’s so peaceful and the view always inspires new art.
Penny and I also has lunch at Monteith’s in Greymouth, which I love – although it was very busy and a lot of people on the coast aren’t careful re masks etc so that concerned me a bit. Alan and I had dinner with friends two nights in a row, visited his older neighbor, and spent an evening with friends finalising Tahr hunting trip details. For me, that was a lot of socialising!
As always, I’m grateful to have had a good break; rest time, art time, a bit of shopping, and nowhere I needed to be in any great hurry.
Tasmanian DevilBearded DragonThe Gorilla ❤ Up the Taramakau RiverFarm dogs never get patted lol!Testing out artworksSelecting books to exhibitI love the colours of the region’s rivers
Cath Sheard Art 