Cath Sheard Art

Tag: Tony

  • Creativity helps

    I’ll skip the details but Tony wasn’t great today. He was home for a bit while I was working from home, so I could attend a bunch of local meetings, but I ended up taking him back because he said he felt “absolutely dreadful”. The rest home staff said they’d call me if he got worse.

    I felt we’d had far worse days at home but until now he’s been remarkably well in their care so think they got a surprise. As I said to one staff member, he was assessed as needing rest home care for good reason! He’s feeling and looking better now but hasn’t really eaten anything today.

    It was an unsettling day, so after dinner I grabbed the new art journal I’ve started and made a bunch of backgrounds. The thing about creating backgrounds is there’s no real thought involved. I grab 3 sprays to lay down some colour, add more colour through a stencil or two, splashes or drips of water to activate the sprays and maybe some dark splatter. It’s about getting my hands busy and distracting my mind. I find it soothing – I believe art is good for the soul (but not so good for the colour of my hands!)

  • A cat’s life

    Marlow drifts in and out of Tony’s room constantly, because he has a ranch slider, but she’s not overly affectionate. I bought a bag of fancy cat treats and suggested giving her one or two at a time. She’s taken to napping on the mohair rug on his lazyboy and today she curled up on his knee for a bit. Success!

  • Lean in

    A few years ago I read “Lean in” by Sheryl Sandberg , Chief Operating Officer of Facebook. I don’t agree with everything in the book, but the concept of leaning in has its uses. Last night I wrote about my struggle to set a new routine.

    Today I’ve realised I can ‘lean in’ to the lack of routine, the early nights and so on. It’s not something I need to fix for now.

    I visited Tony after work but he wasn’t feeling well. At 6.30 he said I needed to go home and cook my dinner, his way of saying he’s had enough. I reheated last night’s leftovers and cleaned up, then headed for my art desk.

    I’ve had a good play with paper and paint, but have still found myself in bed at 8.30. And it’s ok. I need to just lean in and do this. I also need to just sit with the “you should be busy” discomfort it causes me, because that desire for constant busyness is common in addicts. Here’s what I’ve been creating.

  • I’m not quite ready

    Since Tony went into the home I’ve been going to bed early quite often. Before, I’d go to bed about 10-10.30 but often I’m tucked up with the iPad, magazine, writing paper and a pen by 8.30. I’m not sleeping well though, waking in the night, probably out of habit from years of caregiving.

    I’ve said to a couple of people today that I need to just stay up, no matter how I feel or how cold it is, and get back to my usual routine. Hopefully doing more and being properly tired will help me sleep better.

    But you know what? I’m not ready for this to be normal. There’s a new normal ahead of me, but that’s not here yet either. I’m going to cut myself some slack and slide off to bed if I want to. The day will come when my old routine feels ok again, but today isn’t that day.

  • Baby steps

    I said earlier this week I was making changes because life felt shitty. I’m now coming home from work, closing up the house and putting the heater on in my office, getting changed, leaving a light on – then going to see Tony. That way I don’t come home to a totally cold, dark house.

    Today I used some FlyBuys points to get a small slow cooker. I can prep containers of meat, veg and sauce at the weekend. On a weekday morning throw one in the slow cooker as I leave for work and when I get home from visiting Tony there’ll be hot food ready for me. It’ll still make two or three night’s food, but that suits me fine.

    Tonight I took some photos up to put on Tony’s wall, at his request. They made him tearful, but that’s ok. Marlow, the home’s cat, came in through his ranch slider and let Tony pick her up. She’s a Ragdoll but not very cuddly!