I few to Christchurch today, and Alan picked me up for a break in Hokitika. Tomorrow I’m getting ready for spending the day working large with Penny.
I talked to staff at the rest home, who felt Tony was quite unhappy. Not surprising. I spoke to Tony and, although he sounded tearful once or twice, he was trying hard to be positive. We talked about his there is no choice any more.
We’ve both got a lot of changes to get used to and it’s going to be difficult. The only thing we can do is try our best and take each day as it comes. The photo below, of Tony with his good friend Doris, reminds me how much he has changed and why we’re at this point.
Tonight Tony and I moved him into Te Mahana for 10 days respite care. He had the choice of the (bigger) respite care room, or a smaller one that will be his permanently if he stays. He chose the smaller room “because I only want to move once”. He seems quite settled tonight and more accepting. The reality is, he may come home for a couple of days when I get back, but I doubt even that will happen. This is permanent becasue we just can’t keep him safe & he is very frail now.
Last night he was really unwell. I put him to bed about 7 and lay holding his hand while he slept until about 9.30. He was feeling very sad, but that seems to have passed. As I said to him tonight, we’re not the first couple to face this and won’t be the last.
So how am I? Sad. Relieved. Sad. Relieved. Repeat…
I took a video to show family his room and this photo is a still from that of him waving for the camera 🙂
Tony and I have a lot of rough days now and today’s been rougher than most. I’m grateful for a great boss, good friends and supportive family. I’m also grateful for my art, which helps me relax and gives me a place to pour out my feelings.
I’ve been working in a small Dylusions Dyalog- roughly 4×8” so nice and quick. Tue small format means I can do a page or two in the evening to relax, without needing a lot of spare time or too many supplies. I’m enjoying working on black using lots of Shimmer paints and sprays.
I’ve been saying for a while on FB that Tony isn’t very well, but haven’t gone into a lot of detail. I’m more open on Twitter because family don’t see it (with one exception – sorry Ro!). It’s where a lot of my support network is. Now it’s time to put a bit more on my blog.
Tony’s got multiple complex health needs – diabetes, kidneys, congestive heart failure & AF, peripheral vascular disease, lung issues and there’s serious problems with his gut. We’re not investigating any of it because he doesn’t want much intervention and isn’t well enough for surgery etc. He lives on Fortisip, yoghurt, and ‘baby veges’ i.e. mashed potato, pumpkin, carrot etc and very occasionally a tiny bit of pork sausage from Normanby Butchers cooked by Tairoa Lodge. Oddly, it’s about the only meat he can eat.
He had a fall last Sunday and again early this morning. No broken bones, but a decent bruise and painful lump on the back of his neck. Hospice think he’s having TIA (transient ischemic attacks) which are like mini strokes caused by a clot blocking blood supply in the brain.
They seem to come in swarms, leave him very sleepy, with slurred speech for a bit and a few other physical signs such as his hands dropping constantly. He also talks rubbish for a bit – we’ve both had a few laughs out of it. I can kind of spot when they’re going to start now, which isn’t as useful as it sounds! After they stop, he sleeps deeply, often for only a few seconds or minutes at a time, but falls asleep over and over for hours.
I am booked to go for a break at the end of this week. His brother Roger and a caregiver/friend, Janet, were going to look after him at home between them. After this morning’s fall we’ve agreed that’s not safe so he is going into Te Mahana for respite care, and to try it out. It’s a big step but feels inevitable.
Cath Sheard Art 