Some weekends, aside from cooking meals & basic things like washing etc, I spend both days at my art desk. This is one of those weekends. Tony is in more pain and sleepy so he’s sitting in the lazyboy, napping, while I play with my art supplies. Art is good for me – the movement of my hands, the meditative sense of slowed-down time when fussy cutting out images, and the chance to get my thoughts & feelings out of my head and into my art journals.
I’ve been working in my large Dina Wakley journal, and the large Dylusions journals. I’ve really enjoyed playing with Steampunk images for a change.
Some weeks are pretty ordinary, others are a bit more full on – last week was BIG. We had an appointment with the respiratory specialist on Tuesday. We were also seeing the Hospice Dr for advice about how much Tony sleeps sometimes and how incredibly drowsy he can be (sometimes he falls asleep while I’m talking to him and I don’t think I’m *that* boring!), and a wound specialist about his foot ulcer. Tuesday morning I phoned Breeda for additional advice about some stuff and she said to go in straight away, which we did.
I won’t bother going into the details but Tony was very sick; they decided straight away a night as an inpatient was needed to get things sorted. They suggested I stay, as he was having trouble answering questions, so I camped out on a sofa bed in his room. We had packed his hospital bag, but nothing for me, so I had to do an emergency run to The Warehouse. This weekend I’m packing an overnight bag for me for whenever we go to A&E or Hospice, just in case.
They changed him from Morphine to OxyContin because, although still an opioid, it has different side effects & will hopefully suit better. He’s certainly having less hallucinations, and the ones he does have are much less vivid. So far, he hasn’t been as drowsy either, except when he’s had a decent dose of OxyC. They also dropped the dose of some other meds, as the muscles in his thighs were getting weak and it seems to have helped.
On Wednesday they felt things were improving but suggested a second night and, somewhat reluctantly, he agreed after I pointed out that him insisting on going home puts a lot more pressure and responsibility on me rather than the experts. Good point! Wednesday evening was very rough, but he woke Thursday looking and sounding so much better. One of the nurses commented that she’d had no point of reference because he was so sick when we got there, and it was nice to meet the real Tony.
We headed home midday Thursday and, while things are not great, they’re a lot better. At their suggestion, I rang the DHB and from next week Tony will have a caregiver for 30 min every weekday lunchtimes to check on him, as well as the morning one.
He’s had some high pain times already and I’ve had to ring Hospice a few times for advice; I appreciate how supportive they are. I’ve got to ring tomorrow and speak to the Doctor because the nurses think the long-acting OxyC needs increasing so he gets less breakthrough pain. As always, I’m thankful to family and friends, and my Twitter pocket friends, for their support and love – this would be an even shittier journey without them.
We loved that the beds have beautiful quilts, and it all feels quite homely.This is the semi-private courtyard outside Tony’s room at Hospice
Last week had its ups and downs. The downs I’m not documenting… The ups included an amazing fishing trip for Tony, something that was on his very short bucket list.
Tomorrow we’re seeing the respiratory specialist, Dr Hicks, to get the details of his latest lung MRI, to confirm a few things. We’re supposed to see the Hospice Dr to look at his meds, but this might not happen due to COVID19 level 2 – Breeda is trying to sort it for us. Tied into that is a meeting with the Hospice wound nurse to have a look at the ulcer on his foot.
I continue to art out all the feelings. I’m so grateful for my art journals as I’ve been feeling a bit unwell, and my temper starts to fray far too easily. I’ve been playing on my huge Dina Wakley mixed media journal.
I guess it’s update time. Unusually for me, I’m not sure what to say (sort of…)
We’re getting Tony’s pain under control, but it means he is very sleepy, sometimes dozing or sleeping for 14 hours. I don’t mind as long as he’s not in pain. I don’t take it personally when he falls asleep while I’m talking and just keep going, otherwise I’d be saying the same thing over and over – which neither of us would enjoy. Sure, he misses the thread of what I’m saying, but it doesn’t really matter; half the time I’m just waffling about nothing much anyway!
Tony can seem quite good but today, for instance, friends visited for under an hour. He’s had two extra lots of pain relief since they left and has been asleep for just on three hours now. Yet they probably went away thinking he’s doing great… It’s good for him to see people though, and that’s what the pain relief is for.
The Hospice staff continue to be a total miracle, sorting out medication and script issues with no drama. I can’t believe how much pressure they have taken off me already.
I had a lovely break on the West Coast. I stayed with Alan in Hokitika; I slept a lot, went out on the farm, up the Taramakau River is his jet boar, patted the dogs and played in my art journals. My dear friend Penny and I went out for lunches, visited a fabulous art exhibition at Left Bank Art Gallery and talked about “all the things”. I’m so grateful to both of them for the love, light and rest they bring to my life.
Speaking of thanks – my best friend of forever (okay, 52 years?) Sandra is always beside me in spirit, and my sister Ailsa is on the end of a Viber message any hour of the day or night if I need to talk. We all need people like this in our lives.
And my art – the place where I pour out the feelings and the worries, and pack them away so I can keep doing the doing. Things are tricky but we’re in a fortunate position – we have Tony’s brother Roger with us, I have a great job with an understanding boss & supportive employer, a warm house and supportive friends and family. #LoveRemains
This has been a big week in our house due to Tony’s deteriorating health, so I have spent part of today relaxing and catching up on #CreativeJumpStart21. This was the perfect way for me to wind down a bit after a rough night where we didn’t get a lot of sleep. (yes, we have a plan for making tonight better!)
Inspired by Birgit KoopsenInspired by Mystele KirkeengInspired by Julie Fei-Fan BalzerInspired by Catherine Scanlon