Cath Sheard Art

Tag: art journaling

  • No, it isn’t easy

    Trigger warning: abuse, weight loss surgery.

    I’m still recording the lyrics I love, this time it’s P!nk’s (Hey Why) Miss You Sometime. No doubt she was writing about a partner but, for me, this could easily be about food. Yes, food – chocolate, savouries, ice cream. OMG Sante Bars!

     

    miss you 20190603.jpg

    I had weight loss surgery, three years ago this September, and have lost over 70kg. It probably saved my life. But here’s the thing – I’m still a food addict. Surgery is a tool, not a cure. The line “thousand nights I’ve said goodbye, almost lost my mind”. That’s me and chocolate. Chocolate is my answer to grief, pain, shame, embarrassment, loss, fear, boredom, loneliness; anything and everything.

    For me, food does two things. It smothers my emotions, and I’ll do anything to avoid feeling emotions. I’ve lived most of my life carefully flat. And, as an addict, certain food gives me a dopamine hit and my brain lights up with sheer joy. That’s the hard truth of it.

    On book I’ve read on addiction suggests pain and shame is at the heart of all addictions. For me, the pain and shame stems from low-level but damaging abuse as a kid by a friend of my father, and an abusive first marriage. Now’s not the time to write more about it, just putting it out there and parking it for now.

    Despite the weight loss surgery, and a lot of work on “fixing my head”, maintaining a healthy weight will be a lifelong journey for me. If you think weight loss surgery is an easy out, think again.

    And, to finish. I love people, love people’s bodies and think all bodies should be honoured – including fat ones. I don’t hate fat bodies, far from it. My father died of a heart attack at 65, Mum died slowly over more than a decade – my decision to have surgery was to try and avoid what happened to them, and a recognition that I could never lose weight on my own. I have *no* judgment of other people’s bodies.

  • Secret spaces

    There are difficult things happening in our household that won’t be on my blog or FB until we have final confirmation. I’m worried and stressed, trying hard – as a food addict – not to eat my feelings, and searching for the words for how I feel. My art journals are a safe, non-judgemental place where I can say anything I want and it doesn’t matter or hurt anyone.
    Sprays: Periwinkle blue, Vibrant turquoise, Calypso teal, Fresh lime shimmer. Paints: After midnight, Fresh lime, Vibrant turquoise. Stencils: Shutters, Holes, Stars. Large Dylusions journal. Stamps: Dy’s alphabet. Other: Archival ink, white gel pen, Pitt Big Brush pen, Distress collage medium.
    downloading 20190517

  • Angels

    There’s some big stuff happening in my household that I can’t talk about on FaceBook yet. This layout is reminding myself that I believe in my angels looking after me (not God, more the Universe I guess…)
    Paints: Crushed grape, Laidlback lilac, Slate grey. Stencils: Bowl of cherries, Spring flowers, Old school numbers. Stamps: Dy’s alphabet. Other: Pitt Big Brush pen, white gel pen, Distress collage medium & Distress ink.
    angels m20190516

  • People’s truth

    This page refers to some stuff I’ve seen on social media, protecting men accused of vile things because “they seem so nice” or “their music/acting/whatever” is great. Uh huh…

    As someone who was abused as a kid and had a bad first marriage, I don’t care. When people show you their truth, believe them. Also, trust your instincts.

    Can you see the mistake in this? I could have ripped it out and started again or tried to cover it up but for me the joy & release is in the doing, so I’m happy to leave it alone. Can’t see it? The first “t” is truth is actually an” “x – oops 😉

    Materials used are all Dylusions unless otherwise stated – Paints: Mushy peas, Slate grey & Ground coffee. Stamps: Dy’s alphabet. Stencils: Shutters, Old school numbers & Diamonds in the rough. Other: Pitt Big Brush pen, white gel pen, Ranger ink, Distress ink.

    show truth 20190512

  • Hiding the details

    When I journal, it really is the good, the bad, and the ugly. Currently I’m using a Dina Wakley mixed media journal, which I love, to “download my head”. If you’ve been foll wing me a while, you know I’ve had weight loss surgery and as part of that journey have faced up to my food addiction, abusive first marriage, miscarriages etc.

    All my feelings get poured out into my journals, and I share all my pages, but some of that I don’t want others reading – and don’t even want to re-read myself because the psychologist think that creates a ‘loop’ in your head.

    How do I write down the hard stuff, then share it safely?  There’s a number of things I do:

    • Cover the writing with a light coat of gesso or Tim Holtz Distress Paint
    • Put it in a sealed pocket or enveloped attached to the page
    • Cover it with printed tissue paper, such as the Tim Holtz range
    • Use scribble writing – this is my go-to

    I did the background with Tim Holtz Distress paints and StencilGirl stencils, and the tag with Andy Skinner stamps using Stampin’ Up ink and a red Tombow, then wrapped some red cotton round it. I used a thick black Pilot pen for the journaling and added some messy burgundy and red cotton under the tag with Tombow glue to ground it a bit.

    technique

    This page talks about some hard stuff we’re facing at the moment, and how I feel about it. It’s personal and involves other people – it’s not just my story – so I needed to think about their privacy too.

    fragile 20190512.jpg