Cath Sheard Art

Blog

  • A little creativity

    Tony & I nursed Mum for 14 years. After she died I didn’t create any finished art pieces for about 18 months. I expected the same to happen when Tony died. I’ve been prepared to spend my time creating in my art journals, relying on Dina Wakley and Dyan Reaveley for inspiration.

    Tony passed away three weeks ago tomorrow night. Last night I decided to put together a large concertina journal using Hahnemühle Bamboo Mixed Media paper. I figured it’d probably sit around for ages, unused, but making something was a positive step.

    Alan went to work early this morning, and I had some time at my desk before Sandra and I went out, then a few hours on my own once we got home. I, not sure where this is going, but there’s art happening and I’m amazed.

    I was talking to my good friend, and fellow artist, Pen Kirk about why it’s different this time. I feel I’ve had better self care throughout because I’ve “been there, done that”l also, I’m older, so have more life experience.

    Talking to my sister later, she remarked “Alan’s pretty helpful. Wasn’t Tony getting unwell by the time Mum died?” and both of those things are true. I’ve been fortunate to have Alan’s support the last few years, whereas in the final years with Mum Tony was already struggling.

    It’s great that I want to create already, but I won’t be putting any pressure on myself to create finished work. Whatever I do is ok…

  • Saying goodbye

    Yesterday we held a small, private service for Tony, attended by family, close friends, some of his ex-colleagues and my work family. It was recorded so people who couldn’t attend are able to watch online.

    His daughter Yasmine, son Ben, brother Roger and I were comforted by the memories shared, and love in the room.

    Music was important to Tony – when he was struggling with pain I’d put his headphones on and he’d fall asleep to the music. In the final days when nothing seemed to get him comfortable, and he was too generally sore to wear headphones, I put the radio on and he settled a bit.

    Tony had chosen two songs – Beautiful trauma by Pink and The Ghosts that haunt me by The Crash Test Dummies. I added a third, Guide me home, sung by Freddie Mercury and Monserrat Caballe from the Barcelona album which he loved.

    I want to finish this with some of the lyrics from two of those songs, but before I do there’s one last thought I want to share. While we were planning the service Kelly, from Hardings Funerals, said to people don’t understand until it happens that, in the moment the coffin closes or they leave the service, their loved one becomes an ancestor.

    And so it is with me. After 33 years, in an instant, Tony became my late husband and, to use Kelly’s words, that’s a pivotal moment. Rest in peace Tony – in the words of the poem I read, you continue to be my star, my dear.

    From ‘The ghosts that haunt me’

    There will come a time I fear when all my days are done
    And they will come collect my corpse and bury me
    And then I hope you’ll come over to the Other Side
    To join me in our new life, keep me company

    From ‘Guide me home’

    Now the wind has lost my sail
    Now the scent has left my trail
    Who will find me, take care and side with me
    Guide me back safely to my home
    Where I belong, once more

    Where is my star in heaven’s bough
    Where is my strength, I need it now
    Who can save me, lead me to my destiny
    Guide me back safely to my home
    Where I belong, once more

    Who will find me, take care and side with me
    Guide me back safely to my home
    Where I belong, once more

    How can I go on?
    How can I go on this way

  • A season of rest

    After an exhibitions, and between bodies of work, I often have a period of time when I don’t make much work outside of my journals. I explore ideas and, sometimes, think I’ve found the next thread, only to discover the idea doesn’t hold my attention long enough. That quiet time allows me to reflect and explore.

    There are also times when life means I don’t have the mental space, or physical energy, to create new work. After Mum died I didn’t make anything significant for a couple of years. We’d looked after her for 14 years and I was tired, but also grateful we’d had the opportunity to care for her.

    I’m in one of those spaces now. Tony is very unwell, some of you know what’s happening but I won’t share it here. I don’t have the emotional bandwidth for creating new work. I took a small art journal and some supplies into the resthome so I could create while I sit with him. I was essentially making the same thing over and over … my mind doesn’t have the space for creativity. I’m so grateful Alan cooks dinner, looks after things, and makes me laugh.

    Yet I hate sitting and doing nothing. I get fidgety and frustrated. Say hello to adult colouring! Am I being super fussy and doing lots of shading? Nope. These are about the process, not the final result, and I’m pleased I have them available to do.

  • Awagami international print show award!

    Months ago I entered a gelli print in the Awagami international mini print show. All works are on A5 on washi paper. In 2023 they received more than 1,600 entries, numbers grow year on year, but I’ve yet to find how many entries there were this year.

    The first 500 people to enter got a free sample pack of Awagami washi paper, and I found some of it quite challenging to work on. More than one otherwise nice work ended up partially sticking to the gelli plate and ripping!

    I made dozens of prints, then slowly narrowed it down to my favourite and posted it off. I forgot about it, because there’s been so much happening.

    This morning Pen messaged me with “nice” and a screenshot that I’ve received an Honourable Mention prize. Thanks Pen, I’d have been oblivious otherwise! I’m thrilled with the recognition, and to be part of an international group of work again.

  • Refilling our buckets

    We don’t create in a vacuum, rather we’re influenced by what we see, read, hear, do. We might look at art online, visit a museum, or sit and watch the sea. Of course it’s not just art that inspires; it’s jewellery, news, gardens, the colour of people’s clothes, and so much more.

    Today Alan and I went to an orchid show in New Plymouth. The flowers were amazing, we had a nice lunch then visited a friend. I don’t paint flowers very often, but the colour of the blooms was inspiring, especially the ones where the inner and outer petals were strikingly different colours.